Politely Communicate Disinterest

                     

In my early days of dating, I used to feel obliged to act happy, upbeat, and wonderfully interested in everything my date was saying for the duration of the date- even if I couldn’t stand the guy was dying to get out of there. I thought I was being rude if I didn't act like i was having a great time.

I realized the error of my ways when I was on a Match.com date at a lovely lounge in New York called the Stone Rose.  The guy was just not what I was looking for- different interests, different places of life, etc. I finished my drink and excused myself to the rest room, figuring I’d wrap up the date when I returned to the table. When I got back from the restroom, I was shocked to see that he had gone ahead and ordered me a second glass of Pinot Grigio. I felt like a deer in headlights when it hit me-  OMG, he thinks I’m actually having a good time! This was a bad situation because what he did  (ordering me a second drink) was actually a very nice, albeit unwanted, gesture.

I realized on this date that if I act like I’m having an amazing time on a date, the guy is going to think I really am, and then he’ll be understandably confused when I tell him I don’t want to see him again. My behavior was misleading. There are ways to communicate disinterest without yawning loudly, staring at your watch, or blatantly checking your cell phone during the date. You don’t have to finish your drink to tell a guy it was nice meeting him- if you realize something’s not meant to be you can thank him for a lovely evening, say you have to get going, pay for what you drank, call it a night.